I'm getting tired of hearing the words "are you okay?" as for me the only answer I know is "I'm fine" or "yes" when in reality, I'm not and it kills me inside that I'm kinda lying to the people that I love the most but what really bugs me the most is when people call me a liar and an attention seeker...
Would I have self-harmed if I needed that much attention NO... it was a way for me to express the pain that I was feeling and being able to release the pain in a way that I knew would work....or so I thought.
I was called a "Pill Popper" just because I take tablets to help my mental health.....but what hurts the most is that I'm nowhere near getting the help I need which is really starting to get on my nerves
I never intended this blog to be about my mental health but for some reason, I want to let others know that there aren't alone and that I will be there for them in person or through a computer... No-one should feel so alone to the point where they get themselves so down.
Saturday, 26 March 2016
Monday, 7 March 2016
my mental illness
do you feel locked up inside you head with no escape, head banging, voices breaking, people hurt well thats me, i'm a messed up kind of person and i think you probably hate me for that.....ive gotten to the point where my mental health has relapsed and im suffering badly from it all.
i've messed up and i've mesed up badly and i dont think that what i do will bring everything back to normal (oh wait i aint normal) i never will be.....i lied to people close to me.....i even lied to people i didnt like all because i made a profile that vented my feelings through statuses but everyone took it to their advantage and abuse me on there which led more people to message me and then i lost it and started biting back with things i shouldnt have even said and made it worse....i cant lead a normal life and i dont think i ever will.
i'm losing the people that i love and what i can gather is you can die from a broken heart but i think mines already broken and im already experiencing signs of pain already
i've had a huge mental breakdown i hit my parents, my dog bit me, police had to take me away, i lost most forms of contact and will probably lose my job too and become homeless
lets just sum up the fact that i will never get better and im hurting the people i love to the point where ive broke my own heart and im holding onto my life by a thread that can snap at any minute from now
i've messed up and i've mesed up badly and i dont think that what i do will bring everything back to normal (oh wait i aint normal) i never will be.....i lied to people close to me.....i even lied to people i didnt like all because i made a profile that vented my feelings through statuses but everyone took it to their advantage and abuse me on there which led more people to message me and then i lost it and started biting back with things i shouldnt have even said and made it worse....i cant lead a normal life and i dont think i ever will.
i'm losing the people that i love and what i can gather is you can die from a broken heart but i think mines already broken and im already experiencing signs of pain already
i've had a huge mental breakdown i hit my parents, my dog bit me, police had to take me away, i lost most forms of contact and will probably lose my job too and become homeless
lets just sum up the fact that i will never get better and im hurting the people i love to the point where ive broke my own heart and im holding onto my life by a thread that can snap at any minute from now
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
Goodbye 2015
It may be a little late for this kind of blog post but honestly, I have been so held up I have never got around to completing it until now and the draft has been sitting in my blog posts for this year since December and I think it's time that it is posted as we have now said goodbye to 2015 and have now said hello to a shiny, new 2016.
In 2015, I've had a few struggles and a few good days one of my struggles of 2015 was being in the hospital with a very bad kidney infection which I had left for a very long time thinking it was a bad back which went on for about two weeks.
At first, I thought it was a mild water infection and as a normal girl would do, I phoned up my Doctor's surgery and booked a doctors appointment and as always picked up my prescription. After about 5 days when the course was over I felt a bit better and carried on as normal then the next day it hit me again but much worse so all I could do was take painkillers, there was nothing else I could do as my college work was backing up. Eventually, the pain subsided but then I was sick and couldn't keep anything down I thought it must have been the painkillers I took and thought I had taken too many. That was when I decided to go to the doctors again who ordered a blood test to be done which on the same day I was rushed into hospital.
(If you do not like the look of needles or small amounts of blood please skip this picture.)
This is what it ended up as me in hospital on fluids and antibiotics via drip it was horrible almost a week in hospital and not being able to leave an isolated room :(
Moving on from my bad days of 2015 and moving on to my good days in 2016 hope to see you soon
going offline now......byee xxx
In 2015, I've had a few struggles and a few good days one of my struggles of 2015 was being in the hospital with a very bad kidney infection which I had left for a very long time thinking it was a bad back which went on for about two weeks.
At first, I thought it was a mild water infection and as a normal girl would do, I phoned up my Doctor's surgery and booked a doctors appointment and as always picked up my prescription. After about 5 days when the course was over I felt a bit better and carried on as normal then the next day it hit me again but much worse so all I could do was take painkillers, there was nothing else I could do as my college work was backing up. Eventually, the pain subsided but then I was sick and couldn't keep anything down I thought it must have been the painkillers I took and thought I had taken too many. That was when I decided to go to the doctors again who ordered a blood test to be done which on the same day I was rushed into hospital.
(If you do not like the look of needles or small amounts of blood please skip this picture.)
This is what it ended up as me in hospital on fluids and antibiotics via drip it was horrible almost a week in hospital and not being able to leave an isolated room :(
Moving on from my bad days of 2015 and moving on to my good days in 2016 hope to see you soon
going offline now......byee xxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)